yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
