i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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