I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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