Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
