Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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