what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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