We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
