When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
