Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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