your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
