Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
