Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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