i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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