shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Congratulations! We have a period
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