you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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