Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
