No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
