she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
