if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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