if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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