i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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