next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
