I showed him my bush... on skype.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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