In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
