Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
