Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No I am not eating basil off your cock
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
