Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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