he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
