But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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