Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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