I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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