Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
