He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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