Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
