I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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