i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish you could order shots online.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
