Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize