Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
