Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
