i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
tell me about the eggs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
