Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
