I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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