UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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