Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
my liver is dry heaving
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
