I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
