weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
