I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize