you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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