When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
