she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
