No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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