It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
