The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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