Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
