he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
