my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
