I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Are these your boobs on my camera?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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