we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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