I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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