Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize