Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.