Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
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After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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