if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
