YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
im on a boat
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