I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
