You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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