I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
