You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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