o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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