At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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