remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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