so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
