You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
