i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
