You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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