her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
