can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
