Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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