OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
