just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
