i permit you to call me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
