Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
