I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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