There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am one with the molecules
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
