Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
