If i come over, it means nothing
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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